She 2011

I’ve never seen a woman so

Determined to hide her magnificence -

what makes her magical – what makes her tremendous.

It’s as if someone told her long ago

that humility alone was not enough - that no matter the compliment –

nothing could be truer than the lie of her own self-doubts.

I fight to convince her that my words aren’t filler

meant to warm the moment in her heart and then quickly fade when the breeze blows by

but my expressions fall on hardened ears.

She’s had too long a history of not hearing what her heart needs,

she bought into the lackluster life led without a fiery love

and critically reviews each compliment given, looking for the motive – because there must be one.

I love her lazy days – the days when she paroles her soul –

releases the doubts and lets in the possibility of love

they are the days when She shines.

Those are days when She opens the doors to what I see all the time

and shares her beauty with those lucky enough to be close

She could convince flowers to bloom in the dead of winter on those days

But those days leave all too soon.

So, I stand behind her, beside her – near as I can

with the hope I don’t miss her – the whole of her – the Amazing her.

For Melissa - as she discovers

My niece, Melissa, is finding her wings today... literally, flying across country and to a new life. Part of me wants to stop her ~ now recognizing all the dangers I ignored when I was her age. Part of me worries that we didn't prepare her for all that she will see. The rest of me wishes I could witness her next steps because I know they will be amazing.

So, for Melissa... and for her older sister, Heather:

Reprise

I watched her belly grow, filled with anticipation and worry
Not knowing what was to come, but a beautiful baby girl
As the days passed, she filled my young life
Watching her first steps, hearing her first words
Always thinking and wanting the best ~ more than she was born into ~ for her.

Years passed, life rolled and rumbled
My life, only miles and a phone call away from her,
climbed on and tumbled
and when I would see her, and now, her younger sister,
I would always wish the best ~ against probability ~
That she would overcome all the barriers life – and we – had placed before her.

She took all that she was given
and somehow made her way through the
teasing kids always do because of differences
She grew into a young woman ahead of her time
Fighting her own battles with the grace only God could have given
A young woman who cried sometimes on my shoulder and sometimes only alone

As she turns the legal age of an adult, I continue watching and hoping ~ against hope
She will succeed and all of that enormous potential
will pour from her as I have always seen it.
And I watch her sister, eyeing her belly, filled with anticipation and worry,
Not knowing what is to come, but a beautiful baby girl.

My Hero

Jen said the other day she didn't know why Pat is my hero. I didn't play for Tennessee though it was my dream growing up. I haven't even met her. But here's the thing: I DID play for Pat Summitt.

From the time I can remember, I watched Pat coach. I listened to all ESPN could say about her and cherished the moments we were allowed to see inside the locker room and hear her pre-game and halftime talks. I got chills through the TV because of her infamous stare. And, oddly, it made me work harder.

Knowing Coach Summitt focused on the core principles of the game, I spent countless afternoons and weekends alone on the courts at Keswick park, at school, wherever I could to make sure my shooting was at its best - not because I thought I would play for her, but because her coaching was clearly the best and I wanted to be the best.

Her locker room talks weren't just about the team in the room. Her tenets aren't just about basketball. Her coaching techniques reached far beyond the court. Pat Summitt didn't just want to win games. She coached over 160 women and all of them graduated from UT. In her book, "Reach for the Summit," Pat included a copy of her "Definite Dozen" rules for the team. The original is in the women's locker room at UT, but I keep a copy on my desk at work.

The Definite Dozen

1. Respect Yourself and Others: There is no such thing as self-respect without respect for others.

2. Take Full Responsibility: Admit to and make yourself accountable for mistakes. How can you improve if you're never wrong?

3. Develop and Demonstrate Loyalty: Loyalty is not-unilateral. You have to give it to receive it.

4. Learn to Be a Great Communicator: Communication eliminates mistakes.

5. Discipline Yourself So No One Else Has To: Discipline helps you finish a job, and finishing is what separates excellent work from average work.

6. Make Hard Work Your Passion: Do the things that aren't fun first, and do them well.

7. Don't Just Work Hard, Work Smart: Know your strengths, weaknesses and Needs.

8. Put the Team Before Yourself: Teamwork allows common people to achieve uncommon results.

9. Make Winning an Attitude: Combine practice with belief.

10. Be a Competitor: There is nothing wrong with having competitive instincts. They are survival instincts.

11. Change is a Must: Change equals self-improvement. Push yourself to places you haven't been before.

12. Handle Success Like You Handle Failure: You can't always control what happens, but you can control how you handle it.

Her career speaks for itself:

SUMMITT'S COACHING CAREER

Pat Summitt is the only coach (men's or women's) to reach the 100-win mark in the NCAA tournament (112). Tennessee has produced 20 All-Americans and 12 Olympians. She earned $8,900 in her first season at Tennessee, but in 2008-09 became the first women's coach to earn more than $1 million in a season. -- ESPN Stats & Info

Seasons 38
Win-Loss 1,098-208
Win percentage .841
NCAA tourn appear 31
Tourn Win-Loss 112-23
Tourn percentage .830
Final Fours 18
NCAA titles 8

Pat Head Summitt put heart and soul into her job. She has a contagious work ethic, a way of communicating her passion that displays a tenacious winning attitude and a method of coaching that relays her concern for the team's success - not only on the court, but in life. The sum of those things (and more) resulted in the most successful career and program known to women's sports.

THAT is why she is my hero.

Deliver me, please

We did it... after seeing too many of the intimidation-style mattress commercials, we went out and got the one "everyone" talks about. While shopping in the store, we followed Tina's instructions and laid down on a few different beds.

There were the ones with massagers included (no more quarters in the "Magic Fingers" machine!) and there were others with the head and foot raisers too... (we would have likely never left that bed)... but we decided on the "Firm" one without the bells and whistles. I was a bit surprised they could deliver so quickly... the next day! Impressive. Our mouths were watering with the concept of a bed that was known for support and comfort and that you could jump on next to red wine and NOT SPILL A DROP! (who doesn't need that??)

The delivery was right on time and we were super-excited. We made the bed and since it had been a less than restful week, even laid down for a few minutes. It seemed a little stiffer than we remembered in the store... but, ok.

The first night, after taking the ritual melatonin, we gathered the family and piled into our (as advertised) most comfortable bed. And, sure, it was comfortable... if you were used to camping in the Rockies or if you had spent a year in a Turkish prison or if you had decided sleeping in the streets of Baltimore sounded relaxing. This bed was HARD.

We tried to toss and turn all night, but the bed was so hard, you couldn't move without bruising something. We found bones, joints and nerves we had never known before - and ALL of them hurt. And, sadly, because it was a memory foam mattress, it left us both with lasting impressions in the morning.

I couldn't wait for the store to open to get a replacement. I drummed my fingers on the phone, on the desk, on my head until the little hand hit 10 and I called the store. Ray answered. And, Ray... well, Ray had NO IDEA. Looking back on it, I would think people at mattress stores should be trained to deal with sleep-deprived consumers.

The conversation went like this:

Ray: "Mattress Firm, where you sleep happy for less"

Me: "Ray, we bought a bed over the weekend. We need to get a replacement tonight."

Ray: "Normally, it takes a couple of weeks to break it in..and, we have a policy that you need to sleep on it for 30 days before we replace it."

Me: "Ray, I cannot sleep on this bed even one more night. We both woke up with back aches and we cannot sleep."

Ray: "Let me call the area manager and I'll call you back"

An hour later, I hadn't heard back from Ray...so, I called him back. In the course of the communication, I ended up frustrated (see 'dealing with the sleep deprived' in the Mattress Firm training manual) and had the area manager's phone number in hand. So, I called Daniel.

Daniel: "Mattress Firm, where you sleep happy for less" (that was old the FIRST time I heard it... didn't get better with frustration)

Me: "Hi Daniel, we got a mattress over the weekend. We cannot sleep on it, it is causing us pain. How can we get a replacement tonight?"

Daniel: "Did the store tell you we have a 30 day policy?"

(and this is when I hit RED)

Me: "They did, and, if we're going down the 'policy' route, You also have a RETURN policy, we'll be happy to return the mattress and buy through your competitors.

Daniel: Oh, no need to do that, we can wave the policy.

Through the course of conversation with a now more understanding Daniel, he convinced me that we should walk (literally, walk, jump, crawl) all over the bed to soften it. He assured me - if we wanted a mattress that day, we'd get one, but that we might want to try softening ours first - it worked for him.

After a brief discussion, we decided to try it out... it seems the walking around conversation softened us... perhaps it would work on the mattress. However, the next two nights were as painful as the first - finally resulting in me piling extra blankets under us, one of us deciding the floor and/or couch would be 100 times better and both of us considering fighting the little dog for her kennel.

So, this morning, I once again waited for the store to open. Determined, this time, to get a replacement today. As I drummed, I searched the internet for reviews... should have done that before... a LOT of people complain about the firmness... in fact, my eyes could be playing tricks, but I think the only person saying the mattress was perfect was same guy seen on TV as a victim of waterboarding. WHO in his/her right mind enjoys this torture!?!? There was one review praising the bed with a comment they had experienced "the sleep of the dead"...

Sleep of the dead? By the end of the third night, we were wishing we WERE dead. The dogs seemed to be moving slower and I swear I heard Smokey sharpening a knife in the middle of the night. That was the last straw.

I met with the local store manager, told him of our plight and nearly dropped to my knees - either from exhaustion or just for begging purposes - to ensure a better night's sleep tonight. I told him we felt like the Flintstones - laying on granite; that Houdini HAD to have been more comfortable on his bed of nails; and that I could easily sleep on Stone Mountain and feel more cushion...

The new mattress will be delivered tonight.

Paradise - found

Back from a great vacation and all I can do is think about planning the next. So, while we were on the cruise, we found the absolutely perfect beach... Long Bay on Tortola (BVI).



We asked Captain Friendly to find the best Conch Fritters on the island and he brought us to a cafe here. The fritters were good, the soup was great and the view was unimaginable. After lunch, we lounged on the chairs and enjoyed the sounds of the ocean because there were very few people around - certainly nowhere near the throngs of people we'd seen on St. Thomas. The pale blue waters, the green hills of the islands and the gentle, tropical breeze - along with the story of the elderly couple sitting behind us at lunch who have visited this resort for each of the last 30 years... they all told us THIS is where we need to vacation.

So, now, I'm sitting at the computer, searching for a travel agent with the best deal... to take us back to paradise. Maybe this time, we'll bring a couple of friends.

Signs?

I'm the first to admit I have my blond moments...ok, days... ok, life. Yes, I've seen signs while driving through New Orleans and wondered about the intelligence behind a permanent display identifying the way to a beauty contest - only then to realize that Miss River Bridge didn't mean exactly what I thought. (It WOULD help, though, if they used proper punctuation - a period - or state abbreviation - MS). But, yes, if you are wondering, I probably would have then questioned the PC nature of our world not wanting to announce Mrs. or Miss.

And, I've spent more than my share of time with a foot in my mouth because I missed other signs - more than once, I have entered a room with "Who died?!" only to find I have ESP. (I've since retired that saying from my repertoire).

But, it's been a recent topic of conversation... the signs that are in front of us every day that we just MISS. A mullet...a love of sports...and cars...the undying belief that guys think "sporty" chicks are cute... and a desire to be "just like Jo" from the Facts of Life. Nope. Didn't see any of them. No indications.

Looking back now, I missed signs so large Times Square would be jealous.

That person

You know the one... the one who can't stop talking about his or her latest purchase -I did just get a new car. Or the one that has a never-ending supply of the new born photos... well, I don't have those or one of those. (Seriously, the kid looks the same - sleeping, awake - drooling in all - and, no, that's not a smile, it's gas).

But, here's the thing - I am suddenly aware. I've noticed recently, as I speak, my friends seem to be very focused on some deep thought - and I'm afraid it's not anything to do with my topic. Today at lunch, I was talking with Jen...I'm certain the glazed look in her eyes had absolutely nothing to do with my enthralling weekend. And, Dylan's texts are far less involved than my responses...I'm not sure, but I believe she might have meant it when she said "OMG, stop." Well, probably, she didn't.

Unfortunately, even though I recognize this look and the change in response from my friends, I can't stop myself.

So, be happy I'm not the close talker and I don't have a slide projector with a million vacation photos. And, give me some leeway because I may bore you to death with the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Love,

THAT PERSON

Something

It's an interesting word - something. It can mean a multitude of things depending on context. For example, you see a friend throw a fit over a seemingly small issue... that's something alright - something that might make you think they need a break, a pill or, even,a new friend. Another example: art hanging in a gallery... if you have no words - 'it's something' will suffice. But, the best use - at least the one I like the most - is to describe a thing of beauty, a hug or a kiss or just words spoken..."that is something" - there's not much more needed to be said.

How many?

I've received feedback that I have too many 'friends' on Facebook. Now, comparatively, I'd say my friend count is about average. But that would just be my guess. So, I did a little study. I turned on fb and used the first 20+ status updaters as my sample group.

As with any scientific study, there were some outliers... a couple of business owners that use fb as a marketing tool as much as a personal friend keeper. I excluded them from the study. Then, I looked at the Hyper-social (I've been unjustly accused) - people who do not own businesses, have causes, or other requirements that end with over 1000 friends and I excluded them too (because they are FREAKS). Finally, I looked at the anti-social... if you don't want to communicate with people - why are you on fb?? Just to show I'm actually carrying an average number of friends, I kept the wallflowers.

So, out of 22, I removed the two freaks, and summed the number of friends listed for each of the others. 6031 friends for 20 people... do the math... 301 (and a half) each on average. Some had around 100, some had over 500; a couple had under 60 and one, oddly enough, had 100 even.

Still, the point made to me was that noone - no sane person - really has 300+ friends. So, over the past few weeks, I've been doing a little cleaning - here and there - of my friend listing. The original definition for who got to stay was: "who would get on a boat with me"... most people merely nodded their heads, but missed pressing the buttons to signal me any other way.

Instead, my decision point, currently, is one of the following:

1) I'm not easily offended, so if you post something so stupid or nasty on fb that I rear back... you're off the list

2) If I have to ask - now, where did I meet this person... he or she is off the list

3) If you post anything that would be offensive to anyone I love... you're off the list

4) Crazy family of an ex? Really? Do I need to say it?... OFF THE LIST


I'm down to 264 now.

My inbox is full...

and I assume this is not a unique experience. I can't help but think, though, what would happen if you pursued all of the emails you received?

For instance, if I were a single, mixed Asian-Black, Straight, older man, the Viagara would REALLY come in handy for all of the dating I could do. Or, if I were an Indian Cougar (no, not a species of a cat)...it seems there is a draw for that dating pool I never knew existed. No matter what though, my skin tone doesn't lend itself to even faking it ... an overdose of spray tan would still leave me three shades too light.

As I scroll through the SPAM folder - making sure no emails that I really do want to read are included before I empty the bin - I am amused; I am entertained; sometimes a little shocked, but mostly I'm confused, just clearly not as confused as the Marketing guys at these companies.

Urgent and Humble assistance needed

That's what the email said...and, well, this person CLEARLY has no idea who I am. But, with Allah's holy will and power, I have been chosen to help Mrs. Hajar Azeez with her $5.5 million dollars.

It seems a shame, you know, with all she's been through: the loss of her beloved husband only four days after he became ill and now her cancer diagnosis and two months to live. ... Her speech so horribly affected that she directs me not to call for such an urgent matter (well, that and her husband's relatives who might find out about the money and use it in an unholy manner).

I nearly feel compelled to help Hajar (afterall, we should be on a first name basis if I'm going to donate all this money to the children's homes/orphanages/motherless homes as per her sincere will). But, since this email sat in my spam box (had I known it was coming, I most assuredly would have had her email on my non-spam list) and she says any delay in my reply will open the door for sourcing an organization or other devoted individual - well, to be honest, I feel like we're not as close as I had hoped. It's just such a young relationship - how does she already feel comfortable enough to give ultamatims?

Plus, I don't know where it could really go... beyond the fact there's less than two months to resolve this... I'm also feeling pressured by her last statement: "Until I hear from you by email; my dreams will rest squarely on your shoulders."

I mean, honestly, how can I be responsible for all your dreams when I can't even talk to you?!?

That's it. I'm not helping. $5.5 million or no. I can't take the pressure of this short-term relationship. However, if you'd like to help Hajar, you can reach her at the email she provided me. Just give me a call.

LUCKY

There are very few people who know the real me. Whether that's because I'm a "Gemini" or because I'm sincerely too cautious with my heart - who knows. But, what I DO know is this:

I love my dear friends. I've shared a lot with them and would do just about anything for them. I consider them family and they know it - friends that I can't consciously call only friends - there's no term fitting for them. We met because we were meant to play a role in each other's lives. I will always be with them.

I am fortunate. I don't have a lot of money. I don't have a glamorous life. I do have my friends, my health, a smile and great music.

I am Lucky. There's no logical reason for how or why, but I've been blessed. Blessed with opportunity, connection and heart. I have something most people would give anything to have. And, that makes me the luckiest person alive.

Regroup

Six years ago, I asked a couple of my cohorts at work to join me for grass roots networking and camaraderie. They are all fantastic women, working in a very male dominated environment. I had worked with each of them in some form or fashion, though, because I've had a few different roles in the company, many did not know each other.

I chose them carefully - not to ensure they all got along (though, I knew they would) - but because the dynamic of a group like this is vital to its survival. So, the criteria:

- Intelligent
- Strong
- Funny (or, at least, able to recognize and appreciate humor)
- Company-minded
- Compassionate
- Trustworthy

As an introduction, I sent an email to them all... sharing a little about each one:

Lynn - scrappy, from North Carolina, was poised to become a California Highway Patrol when she lived in San Francisco, but they couldn't handle her (ask her how she got kicked out...). She joined us through Fritz.

Mary - a reluctant debutante, raised in New Orleans, can detail financial and marketing moves we've made through the years, but would much rather be discussing LSU sports and JazzFest.

Eileen - a retired Army Major (joined before she graduated from High School) from Idaho who can hit a target from over 1000 meters... and has the target paper in her office to prove it. She's one of 9 kids (8 of whom joined the Army like their parents). Don't mess with her IT systems.

Brace - Atlanta native - vivacious, stylish, crazy and the best person for the job when customer entertaining is involved. In a word, Personality.

Gloria - Hailing from Detroit, Shopping and her Jack Russell are her hobbies. IT management is her role. She looks unassuming, but beware of any woman who can kick box and keep impeccable nails. (ask her about the door slamming incident...Priceless)

Nora - From Illinois...She's in Ocean Freight Marketing and getting her MBA. Quite possibly the funniest person I know.

Jill - She has an IE mind and works with customers. Originally from South Carolina, she has bubbly personality for sure - she loves traveling and tennis. Wicked serve.

There were 14 total and the group was great. We gathered pretty regularly just to share our experiences with people who truly understand. With Marketing, IT, Finance, Real Estate and Solutions and an age range of low 30s to upper 50s... it was a great group. Over the years, a couple have left the company, others were moved to new locations, and the group stopped being able to meet as often. But, the relationships remain. We've had consulting lunches to discuss the best choices on handling 401k and stock, we've used connections not in place previously to resolve company items and a deeper partnership was formed.

It makes me proud to see the relationships started in this group continuing in other areas. So, now, some of the old group has moved back to my location and a few replacements have been found. I'm starting it up again. I believe in these women and the power of relationships in large organizations. It doesn't hurt that they are also fantastic people.

It's in the air

It was a gorgeous afternoon...78 degrees, sunny, almost cloudless sky and a light breeze. And, not because of the weather, though it always makes it nicer, I went driving - windows down, music up - to explore the roads north of my home and clear my head.

There's something about blasting Aerosmith, John Denver, Jim Croce, Gladys Knight and others while winding through the hills. I found a trail riding location (noted for a future date), a great road for the day I finally get my bike (just beyond the end of 400) and a strong, yet strange showing of early Halloween fervor.




I can't say Halloween is a favorite holiday. But, I appreciate a well-decorated yard as much as anyone else. The key there is: well-decorated. I drove past this yard three times... What I can't easily show in this picture is the magnitude of the Halloween crap wasteland. Ironically, you CAN see one wooden skeleton sitting on a toilet with a REAL roll of toilet paper attached.

But I digress, the ride was to clear my head. To get some fresh air and perspective. What I found is my head is clear...my heart is almost full...and I have a million things I'd love to share with the One - even the hideous yard decorations of an overzealous Halloweener.

Mind over matter?

I used to believe you could shut down all emotion and just deal with the facts. And, I guess for the last 20+ years, I've done that. Unfortunately, the fact of the matter, now, is that my emotions are much stronger. I don't have the luxury of shutting them down and dealing in only shades of black and white.

Recently, all my emotions have been upturned - the ground of me has been tilled. I didn't know I could ever find myself in this upheaval.

Frankly, I'm not at all sure what to do with it.

Mulligan

"Do Over!" We used to yell that as kids on the playground when something got messed up or was no longer going the way we hoped.

If I could do it over, I'd enjoy more of my teen years. Really get to know the Edie of 14-20... and, maybe study a little harder.

If I could do it over, I'd spend more time with my nieces as they were growing up...man, they grew up WAY too fast.

If I could do it over, I would keep that house in Suwanee...it would almost be paid off by now.

Even with this list, there are not many things I want to repeat - but there are times when I wish I could change what I said, how I reacted or just the events that followed.

Now is one of those times.

Reunion

It's been 20 years since highschool...a little shocking really and, I know - predictable. But as I have been preparing for our gathering, I've been thinking about all that happened while we were there and all that has happened since. We walked in very young- directly from elementary school and only 8 years out of pre-school. We learned a lot in our classes and more than we should have from our elders.

I think of the questions that will be asked and the answers I'll be prepared to give...

I was. I am. I don't. And, I Wouldn't change a thing.


I was... Stuff happens and I'm better for it.
I am... And proud of it
I don't, but yours are lovely...
And, just like the end of our time in school, I wouldn't change a thing.

Blessed

Driving down the highway tonight, I peered off to the left. The lighting was perfect, the sun just dipping below the horizon, leaving the pinks, purples and violets as backdrops to the thousands of lighted homes in the valley. The cars around me worked in concert to avoid the more than occasional road hazard. The pedestrians taking the chance again of crossing the highway so as to avoid a much longer, maybe even uncharted, but safer route seemed to be soothed by this lighting as well. There's that moment - it doesn't happen every day...sometimes we don't notice it for months on end during our rushed lives. But, every once in a very great while, there's that perfect light...that airy breath of a breeze...that amazing hum of the world around us that reminds us of the miracles, the blessings, we are granted daily.

Too much or too little

As I look around, I see a lack of moderation pervading our world.

Today, for instance, I am sitting outside the hotel in Goiania. The room leaves a bit to be desired when it comes to Comfort...ironic because I am staying at the Comfort Suites Flamboyant which would not credibly be described by any of those words. Too little.

The man just to my left is, at once, too much and too little. His body hair - too much...I know shag is the fad, but damn. His bathing suit - too little (but looks to be JUST the right size to cover his goods).

I've been working too much and playing too little. Let's fix that.

But seriously...TOO much back hair surrounding this pool.

Pants on Fire

I lie to myself. It's true. Today, for instance, I'm lying about my eyes. They are clearly watering... irritated by something I can't quite identify. In truth, I know, it's probably the pollen which has overwhelmed Atlanta. Others have suffered miserably for years because of the yellow swarm, but I am a native. I grew up with this stuff and I proudly pronounce, "it doesn't bother me". I presume it is much like a person who lives in higher elevations meeting others who aren't used to the thinner air. I have never been "weak" when it comes to living here and I'm not quite ready to admit that I might be succumbing to pollen's power.

So, for now, I do not have allergies...

I also lie about my ability to enjoy late nights and function well the next morning. There were times in my life a couple of hours of sleep would suffice and I'd start again. This is no longer the case - honestly - though, I am not yet ready to admit this either.

For now, I'm still young enough...

I also tend to believe I keep up with relationships. Sadly, I could be mistaken here. I believe that my friends know I am thinking of them often and mean to speak with them just as often. I think they know I want nothing more than to spend more time visiting, working in their yards, traveling and laughing with them. But, I let other items get in the way...I guess I am ready to admit I'm not the best at maintaining relationships.

Now, I'll work on it.