What I should have been...

I've been working a lot lately. A LOT. And, so, I've been thinking about the roles I play at work and what I should have been...

A firefighter... I know I'm not alone in this one. I feel there are days I run from one fire to the next - and mostly, they feel like forest fires.

A lawyer... I often need to argue my case and negotiate for a better sentence (ok, project plan). I have to prove my case more worthy than others to get the attention it deserves... think of this as Martha Stewart and her posh prison versus Alcatraz.

A hostage negotiator...I have to get people to let things go. And, sometimes, that means talking them off the ledge too.

A comedian... because if I don't find humor in these things, I'd be on the other end of the negotiation.

The "DOH" factor

There are stories that I love to hear, but I'm not really sure why. It could be that I find immeasurable humor in human attempts at brilliance (only to be highlighted forever as 'the stupid mistake that caused more harm than good'). We can refer to this as the "DOH" factor.

One of my favorites is about Greenpeace and the "saving" of the baby seals. Now, it's not funny that the baby seals were being killed for their pelts. It is funny, though, that the 'savior' side of Greenpeace came up with the BRILLIANT idea of spray painting the animals a neon green color to ruin the coat and keep poachers from killing them. Here's the tee-hee: baby seals have white fur so they can blend in with their natural environment (keeping them safe from their natural predators). The green highlighted them so the natural predators were able to better see them! Brilliant, Greenpeace, brilliant!

I just read this one and love it too! I had no idea...Thank you Merriam Webster!

In 1898, the German pharmaceutical company Bayer began marketing heroin – whose name comes from the German word heroisch, meaning "powerful."

The product was marketed as a cough remedy made from a supposedly non-addictive morphine derivative. It was also used as a cure for morphine addiction – which unfortunately caused large numbers of users to become heroin addicts.

In part because of the growing population of "junkies" (a term that may derive from the fact that some supported their addictions by selling scrap metal), Bayer eventually ceased production and lost its trademark.

In 1914, American officials began regulating opiates, including the generic, powdered version of heroin.

Say what you mean

Ok, look... I know I take things literally - too literally sometimes. But, there's got to be a point when it is not about me being too picky. Someone has to step up and identify the egregious errors made in our common lives.

Sign on Clairmont: "Support Breast Cancer" - really? do we need to support Cancer of any type? I know attention spans are short - especially when people are driving, but let's just try to get it right.

Sign in a field on the way to Louisville, KY: "Used cows for sale" - at the risk of taking this one too far, let me just say - I'm not sure what constitutes the difference between a "new" and a "used" cow. But, frankly, I'm not willing to pursue that one to find out. At any rate, can we please get some clarity or mo(ooo)ve the sign? (sorry, had to do it)

Short - not so sweet

Have our attention spans really been reduced to less than 3 minutes? Please, if you know you cannot pay attention for more than a minute and a half, don't put popcorn in the microwave!

Stand for something

It's been a while since I stood up here on the soapbox... so, here goes. In my never-ending fight to repair our grammatically scarred lives, I've found a great link: Commonly Confused Words

It's clear we live in a world less about reading and more about speaking. (Great news for oral communicators) However, when we have to communicate in written form, the message is all too often misconstrued or - as my people put it - messed up. We leave an unclear message in what should otherwise be one of the cleanest ways of communicating. Frankly, it's frustrating.

So, to the Merriam Webster (yes, Joyce, M-W.com) list, I'm adding a couple more:

Capitol vs Capital
The Capitol (Washington, DC) is where we spend our Capital ($)

Their, There, They're
Their indicates ownership by "them" (just as His indicates ownership by Him)
There is a location other than "here"
They're is a conjunction of They and Are


Please feel free to respond with your own peeves.

My soundtrack

When I look back, I find that music has played a large part in my life. There are songs that immediately take me to a distinct moment in my memories. For example, with no good reason, Peaches and Herb are dead set in the middle of my first musical memories. I can start to hum "Reunited" and automatically see the swing set from Playskool (years later, it would strike me odd the school intentionally misspelled its name, but I digress).

So, I've been thinking about this lately... what are the songs tied most closely to memorable moments in my life... what is my soundtrack? Well, here goes:

A plethora of ABBA, Jim Croce and Neil Diamond songs filled the first years of my life. Mom had the albums (that's not a typo). Today, I can hear just the beginning of "Forever in Blue Jeans" and I am instantly in mom's living room, sitting in the old blue recliner (since relegated to the basement) and filled with the aroma of pot roast coming from the kitchen.

In elementary school, we sang Stevie Wonder's "Isn't She Lovely" and Whitney Houston's "Greatest Love of All," for a choral recital and I guess that was memorable, but Dr. Elmo's "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" was a mantra in the holidays of my youth (ok... even today). Each time I hear it, I am transported back to my Aunt's split level house in Oak Ridge, TN with a Christmas tree glowing downstairs and egg nog being poured. (And, the shameful, but beautiful joy I got from singing loud and proud with the radio near the real Grandma).

I vividly remember the bright pinks and blues from my favorite t-shirt in 1987 when I was "Lost in Emotion" with Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam and we spent wa-a-a-ay too much time at Michelle's house requesting that song on the late night radio shows. There were the days in Algebra with Ayanna and the teacher's unreasonably - impossibly - hyper flexible knees when we sat rapping "No Sleep til Brooklyn" by the Beastie Boys. (we could have been STARS!!)

When I got married, I warned the DJ (also my husband's manager and somewhat, friend) he would absolutely not be paid if he played Kool and the Gang's "Celebration" because it's just OVERDONE. And, though I don't have brown eyes, the only song I requested was Van Morrison's "Brown Eyed Girl"...I've just always loved it.

As I continued college days and met one of my dearest friends, I couldn't come up with a better way to express who I was then by having my sister-in-law (local country station DJ) dedicate "Friends in Low Places" by Garth Brooks.

Since then, life has continued to take its inevitable twists and turns. Songs like David Bowie's "Changes" take me back to all my high school friends with unimaginable futures, while "Bye Bye" from Jo Dee Messina and "Let Him Fly" by the Dixie Chicks will remind me of the sadness of letting go. And, yet that is followed by the beauty of finding a true mate in "Now That I Found You" by Terri Clark.

I could go on and on... obviously, in 37 years, there have been more than a few memorable moments and, of those, a large percentage have music that takes me back. Rather than walk you through the rest of my life, I'll just say that at points in my life, some music has been poignant while, at other times, it was just a good background song.

So, what's your soundtrack?

Odd...that's all, just odd

I might have to revisit my theory on vegetarians. I've always said that they were cowards and that veggies had no chance for escape while animals could run. With this article, I just have one question:

Do you think the mushrooms set up an ambush for the camouflaged hunters??



Aug 29 (Reuters) - At least 18 mushroom-lovers have been killed in accidents while hunting for their favourite fungi in the mountains and forests of northern Italy.

Mountain rescuers say eager mushroom seekers are abandoning safety procedures as they don camouflage and hunt in darkness to protect coveted troves, la Repubblica newspaper reported on Sunday.

"There is too much carelessness. Too many people don't give a darn about the right rules and unfortunately this is the result," Gino Comelli, head of the Alpine rescue service in northwest Italy's Valle di Fassa, told the newspaper.

Seventeen people have died in nine days -- six in 48 hours alone -- mostly from sliding off steep, damp slopes in the northern mountains, la Repubblica said in a story headlined "the massacre of the mushroom hunters".

Another person has been missing for more than a week, it said.

Ansa news agency said a man who had been hunting mushrooms was found dead on Sunday in the Alpine region of Valtellina.

A combination of August thunderstorms and hot weather has led to a bumper mushroom crop that has drawn the first hunters of what is expected to be a boom season.