Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Deliver me, please

We did it... after seeing too many of the intimidation-style mattress commercials, we went out and got the one "everyone" talks about. While shopping in the store, we followed Tina's instructions and laid down on a few different beds.

There were the ones with massagers included (no more quarters in the "Magic Fingers" machine!) and there were others with the head and foot raisers too... (we would have likely never left that bed)... but we decided on the "Firm" one without the bells and whistles. I was a bit surprised they could deliver so quickly... the next day! Impressive. Our mouths were watering with the concept of a bed that was known for support and comfort and that you could jump on next to red wine and NOT SPILL A DROP! (who doesn't need that??)

The delivery was right on time and we were super-excited. We made the bed and since it had been a less than restful week, even laid down for a few minutes. It seemed a little stiffer than we remembered in the store... but, ok.

The first night, after taking the ritual melatonin, we gathered the family and piled into our (as advertised) most comfortable bed. And, sure, it was comfortable... if you were used to camping in the Rockies or if you had spent a year in a Turkish prison or if you had decided sleeping in the streets of Baltimore sounded relaxing. This bed was HARD.

We tried to toss and turn all night, but the bed was so hard, you couldn't move without bruising something. We found bones, joints and nerves we had never known before - and ALL of them hurt. And, sadly, because it was a memory foam mattress, it left us both with lasting impressions in the morning.

I couldn't wait for the store to open to get a replacement. I drummed my fingers on the phone, on the desk, on my head until the little hand hit 10 and I called the store. Ray answered. And, Ray... well, Ray had NO IDEA. Looking back on it, I would think people at mattress stores should be trained to deal with sleep-deprived consumers.

The conversation went like this:

Ray: "Mattress Firm, where you sleep happy for less"

Me: "Ray, we bought a bed over the weekend. We need to get a replacement tonight."

Ray: "Normally, it takes a couple of weeks to break it in..and, we have a policy that you need to sleep on it for 30 days before we replace it."

Me: "Ray, I cannot sleep on this bed even one more night. We both woke up with back aches and we cannot sleep."

Ray: "Let me call the area manager and I'll call you back"


An hour later, I hadn't heard back from Ray...so, I called him back. In the course of the communication, I ended up frustrated (see 'dealing with the sleep deprived' in the Mattress Firm training manual) and had the area manager's phone number in hand. So, I called Daniel.

Daniel: "Mattress Firm, where you sleep happy for less" (that was old the FIRST time I heard it... didn't get better with frustration)

Me: "Hi Daniel, we got a mattress over the weekend. We cannot sleep on it, it is causing us pain. How can we get a replacement tonight?"

Daniel: "Did the store tell you we have a 30 day policy?"

(and this is when I hit RED)

Me: "They did, and, if we're going down the 'policy' route, You also have a RETURN policy, we'll be happy to return the mattress and buy through your competitors.

Daniel: Oh, no need to do that, we can wave the policy.


Through the course of conversation with a now more understanding Daniel, he convinced me that we should walk (literally, walk, jump, crawl) all over the bed to soften it. He assured me - if we wanted a mattress that day, we'd get one, but that we might want to try softening ours first - it worked for him.

After a brief discussion, we decided to try it out... it seems the walking around conversation softened us... perhaps it would work on the mattress. However, the next two nights were as painful as the first - finally resulting in me piling extra blankets under us, one of us deciding the floor and/or couch would be 100 times better and both of us considering fighting the little dog for her kennel.

So, this morning, I once again waited for the store to open. Determined, this time, to get a replacement today. As I drummed, I searched the internet for reviews... should have done that before... a LOT of people complain about the firmness... in fact, my eyes could be playing tricks, but I think the only person saying the mattress was perfect was same guy seen on TV as a victim of waterboarding. WHO in his/her right mind enjoys this torture!?!? There was one review praising the bed with a comment they had experienced "the sleep of the dead"...

Sleep of the dead? By the end of the third night, we were wishing we WERE dead. The dogs seemed to be moving slower and I swear I heard Smokey sharpening a knife in the middle of the night. That was the last straw.

I met with the local store manager, told him of our plight and nearly dropped to my knees - either from exhaustion or just for begging purposes - to ensure a better night's sleep tonight. I told him we felt like the Flintstones - laying on granite; that Houdini HAD to have been more comfortable on his bed of nails; and that I could easily sleep on Stone Mountain and feel more cushion...

The new mattress will be delivered tonight.

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