And now, for something completely different...

Last week, I joined my friend Jen on a shopping adventure. Well, an adventure for me... a normal occurrence for her. You see... Jen introduced me to Hair. Curly Hair, Straight Hair, Hair that comes in 12", 14" and I suppose more. As I pondered setting up my next VERY NEEDED haircut, I couldn't help but be consumed with the concept of BUYING hair.

You see, this weave and wig idea is new to me. And, I'm intrigued. So... into the shop we went...and, it was well, let's say, a little empty (but then, how much room can wigs and weave take up before they are just called a Hairy situation? -PUN INTENDED).

Nonetheless, I found something even more intriguing. Hair is not cheap - well, good hair isn't anyway. What constitutes "good" hair? Well, that would be a matter of opinion, but if you judge solely by price, it would be natural "unmessed with" hair. And, apparently, one good indicator that it hasn't been "messed" with is that there is a gray hair included in the lot o' locks. But I digress.

So...since it is expensive, you can actually put your hair on layaway... not kidding, check the picture. With all that said, I guess the good news for me is my hair grows far too quickly to even consider paying for more; the better news is I wouldn't have the patience to worry about it and the best news for me is my hair is clearly on the good side (see Blog Post "And so this is Monday")

The Arwoods

With the Memorial Day holiday well on its way out the door...time to update the blog with the latest happenings.

Since we last interacted, I attended a wedding in Hilton Head - actually Bluffton, SC. At the beautiful - albeit - expensive resort, Palmetto Bluff (http://www.palmetto-bluff.com/default.asp ).

Daniel and Anne Arwood make an exquisite couple. The parties - er, um - rehearsal dinner and reception were imaginative (who thought of the Grits bar?? LOVED IT) and exciting. The family made it all that much better! Truly, an enjoyable event and well worth the travel.

If you get a chance, visit the site - maybe even the resort. It's GORGEOUS and it is actually everything the opening of the website promises.

Catharsis

Every once in a great while, I get to see myself growing up... it's nice. Today I had a mature and cathartic conversation with my ex. In it, he stated, "if I had known then what I know now..." Of course, hindsight being what it is, we know we are different than we were, but it is nice to hear.

So many things have changed over the years, some have not. I genuinely like this man and am pleased that we are able to do what most people think is crazy or impossible - remain friends.

People are crazy

Ok, look... I don't like to be a tattletale, but in my recent travels, I felt the need.

I got on the plane - like many others, I'm sure, since September 2001, being more cognizant of my co-passengers. Across the aisle, an older gentleman (used loosely today) sat using his iphone. As the announcement blared for what seemed to be the 20th time and with the steward coming down the row, the man finally pulled his headphones off and began putting the phone away. However, the screen was still on as he slid the phone into his planner.

It made me uncomfortable... I just kept thinking, there's a reason the FAA has determined we should turn off our electronic equipment. In fact, the FCC and the FAA have agreed. Our phones transmit signals that can interfere with air/ground communication - in one case, a cell phone has even been identified as the reason the autopilot turned off in flight.

So, after our initial approach began, and the announcements were repeating again, the man was still on his iphone. The steward caught him this time and stood over him while asking the man to turn it off. The man said he did, but the screen was still on and the steward asked..."so, that screen is just a set screen? It's off?" and the man said yes. The steward walked away. The man started talking into the phone.

Here's my struggle: normally, I don't care what people do... I'm fairly laid back. But, when it comes to my safety and anyone's apparent lack of attention to it, I'm on full alert. So, I looked at him and said, "are you going to turn that off?" and he had the gall to say "No." Just that bluntly. Clearly, he doesn't get arguments from women often - or at least pays them no attention... unfortunately for him, I'm not accustomed to being ignored or simply patronized and I don't take it laying down. I pushed the call attendant button right in front of his eyes. No less than a second later, that phone was off.

The moral: Don't piss off a woman.

Not my native tongue...

So, I began writing a book some years ago...below is an excerpt, hope you enjoy.


I started dating him when I was 16 – “a very mature 16.” He was a friend of a friend driving a Corvette and in college. He was the knight in shining armor keeping our less-than-reserved acquaintance from slobbering all over me to show off to his friends. As we stood there, in the driveway, all the stars aligned, there was peace on Earth and the birds were chirping. Then our acquaintance began making a scene and havoc broke loose… we scattered in separate directions and drove off into the sunset. I thought I would never see him again, but ended up going to his house the very next evening. It was the beginning of a fairy tale relationship.

Ten years later, the fairy tale fog lifted, the clouds broke and my first husband became my ex-husband. While I don’t suggest it for everyone, divorce helped me to discover a whole new world – reality – it’s not my native tongue, but I’m beginning to be quite fluent.

Pot... meet Kettle

The other day, while sitting at the vet with my beloved Smokey Joe (a.k.a. Smoke Dog), I had the most bizarre discussion... sharing it here for all to enjoy.

Smokey needed a rabies update, so we went to the vet. While we were waiting, I sat next to a woman with a cat. After a few minutes and very little chit chat, she stated she was drawn to pray for me. She asked if it was ok... now, I don't turn down Flu shots when the doctor asks (because I have a little voice in my head that says I will inevitably catch it if I turn it down) so I did not turn down prayer... I mean, really, why would I?

She asked if my back was hurting and I said no, so she asked what she could pray for...well, I decided financial health is never a bad thing (especially at the Vet!)So, she said a very nice prayer for God to watch over me and to provide - as he always does. I said Amen and thought we were done... I was wrong.

It seems that my attire (cargo shorts, t-shirt, flip flops and a ball cap) alone drove her opinion of me (I called it lazy, she called it Lesbian). And, she decided to tell me that God had helped her get off of drugs and alcohol after 20 years and she felt she needed to share. Get this... apparently, God loves me even if he doesn't agree with my lifestyle.

Now...not having spoken to this woman previously and certainly not having shared an iota of my life with her, I'm not sure how this revelation came about, but I did feel the need to say Amen. (Mostly because I thought... well, God does love everyone - even the ones who throw stones).

You see, I KNEW God didn't think I should be working for a living. That said, if you could all send $20 my way, I'll get on with a lifestyle God and I would both appreciate.

Thanks in advance!

P.S. Please tell your friends... I don't have enough followers to make the financial impact both God and I desire.

Traveler's complaint

There are times when we all have complaints about other areas of the country or of the customs in each area. I am a huge proponent of following up with a local about these issues, however, if you ask a southerner, you should expect a blunt response. When you write me with a complaint, you’ll receive a friendly shot back across the bow.
A friend of mine recently wrote to tell me of the woes he experienced while driving to Disney World from Louisville, KY. I’d like to share that note with you…

I know you’re a native of the great state of GA, but I have to say, after driving through that state last week (on my way to Disney World), it was by far the most horrible driving experience I’ve dealt with. I can name 10 different problems with the highways in the state of GA, but I’m only going to identify the top 2:

2. Delay in cleaning up 7-car pileup, including a FedEx truck (go figure), caused me to wait over 5 hours in traffic, and miss the first half of the University of Louisville Final Four basketball game. I finally moved enough (using the emergency lane, although a truck tried to run me off of the road) to get off on a ramp in Vienna, GA. We stayed the night in a five star hotel (please detect sarcasm), whose primary income comes from the sale of Pecans.

1. State’s decision to work on greater than 150 miles of road construction on I-75 (the most traveled roadway to FL) during Spring Break for many different states, causing major delays in Valdosta (I also stayed the night there due to construction on the way back from Disney), cities just south of Atlanta, and cities just north of Atlanta (i.e. Canton).

Per my Maps On Us map and my TripTek, the trip should have taken a shade over 13 hours. However, due to the traffic issues in GA (I went through FL, TN and KY and no other state had these problems), the total amount of time each way was closer to 18 hours. Obviously, I’ve learned my lesson and I will never drive that distance again, and if I must, I will avoid GA at all costs. Do me a favor and vote for the other person in GA if there are any elections this year.

Thanks. I hope to hear from you soon.

Well, of course I responded in support of my state and with some common sense…

How's it going? - from your note, that may not be the question to ask. As with any state, there are many secrets only the natives know about Georgia and none of us are allowed to divulge them all without being extradited to some crazy-ass state like Kentucky. So, here's what I CAN tell you....

1) The 5-hour FedEx delay was actually a clever advertising ploy by DHL trying to demonstrate to a captive audience that "when it absolutely, positively has to get there," FedEx is not the optimal choice.
2) In most states, that 5 hours would have seemed MUCH longer (Kansas and Arkansas being two great examples).
3) Emergency lanes should only be used in case of emergency - no one in his/her right mind decides that Vienna (pronounced VI-enna) is a proper place to rest your head without owning a farm there - hence the "nuts" signs undoubtedly surrounding the motel. And,
4) the trucker was trying to warn you.

As for the construction, consider these points:

Millions of teens, college-aged kids and young parents travel that stretch of highway every spring - a rite of passage of sorts. However, Georgia businesses gain minimal exposure and revenue from these treks when they are too smooth. Florida, on the other hand, gets millions upon millions of dollars based solely on the fact that they have salt water on three sides. I ask you, how is it fair that we endure the crowds, the additional traffic and the crabby attitudes of cooped up travelers and they get all the payback? It's not. I give you Georgia's response for revenue sharing.

Ya'll come back now, ya'hear?

Carte Blanche

Last night, a group of us went out to dinner. Most of my friends know I like to let the server decide what I will have… for a couple of reasons:

1) it’s fun
2) they know better than I which items are good, better or best
3) I find I don’t explore new things as readily by my own choosing

Once again, as the server, Stuart, came by to get our order, I made my announcement.

“Stuart, I’ve never been here. You’ve mentioned so many items that sound good and I really have no way to choose. So, Stuart, I normally provide a couple of choices and ask the server to choose. But, tonight, I will tell you that I do not like seafood and then, let you select what I will have.”

And… Stuart did very well! If you get the chance, and you have the guts, try it out sometime… give the server Carte Blanche… bet you’ll love it.

And so this is Monday

It's the month of my birth and I've been reminded several times this weekend of my age. A friend (?!!) persisted on telling me that once you say you are "almost" 37, you are old. I was not/am not allowed to return the comment - even though she's 18 years my senior... which leads me to something I rely heavily on in life... the hard, steadfast rules of math and the laws of nature:

No matter how much older I get, I will ALWAYS be younger than mom, my sister and this friend. There's no uncertainty about it...and that makes me smile.

Let's get it started

A friend said I should write a blog, not sure if that was a joke or a dare, but I'm here so, let's get it started. American, Southern, Blond(ish) and, on the whole, very happy with my life - even with all the twists and turns; Sarcastic sometimes, cynical sometimes but always thinking about the world that surrounds me. That's how I'd describe me right now.

It's late and I've acquired a new affinity for sleep. So off I go.

Good night and take good care.